One of the things that has been the biggest problems in my life is my tendency to enter unhealthy relationships. I do this for a variety of reasons but mostly because I have a hero complex that holds hands with my ever-constant need to please everyone therefore taking my love of people and want to help them to such an extreme place that I become absolutely blind to the flaws of others.
This is exactly what triggered my ED. The doctor I looked up to and respected told me how I should lose weight and build muscle tone (even though I wasn't in need of either) so I followed his commands and proceeded to lose 27 pounds, my personality, and my happiness. I gave absolutely no thought to the idea that maybe he was wrong and I was fine just the way I was.
Shortly after, I started my relationship with my now ex-boyfriend. He was so messed up and I was so messed up so the thought of us coming together and healing each other was enough to make me completely disregard how horribly he treated the people I cared about. Well, life is not a John Green novel. I learned that quick enough.
So how does one move on from these relationships? Well let me tell you something. It's hard and it takes time. Even after you've realized that the people you idolized are actually not all that perfect, there's still the anger and hurt and painful feeling that maybe you could fix it somehow. I'm just starting to finally let go of my ex-boyfriend after spending a full year stalking him and refusing to move forward with my life. But here's what I've learned so far:
#1: It's okay not to move on right away. Seeing someone in a new light is a hard experience and it takes time to accept. People urging you to get on with your life need to calm down and just be there for you. Don't feel guilty for not being ready to let go.
#2: Let yourself feel. God has given us horrible and marvelous things called emotions. It is perfectly fine to feel them. Let yourself be angry and sad and hurt (just make sure you're expressing it in healthy ways.)
#3: Gradually stop trying to start conversations with them. With my ex, I was always trying to think of reasons so text him. Tell your mind to take a break and let them be. It will make moving on easier.
#4: Delete old pictures and messages and throw away or put away things that remind you of the person. With my doctor, this meant switching to a whole new doctor. With my ex, this meant deleting all the things and putting things he'd given to me up in the attic where I don't see them. You can't move on when you're constantly being reminded of a person.
#5: Talk to someone. I know this sounds like the generic "how to move on from your last breakup" step you find in tabloids everywhere, but it is actually very important. Being able to express how you feel to another human being who can offer comfort and support you works wonders.
Remember, you are a special individual with a great purpose and you have the power to change lives. Don't waste that potential on someone who doesn't care for you properly.
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