On New Years Resolutions

I've never made a new years resolution in my entire life, but this year I made one, and I feel like it's something important to remember.

First, some background information. I'm an incredibly quiet person. I can spend hours not talking and perfectly content. The bottom line is a don't really enjoy talking. What I do enjoy, however, are people. I'm mistaken for an extrovert sometimes because I just love people so incredibly much. I love learning about people, what makes them tick, their backstories, their passions, many of which I can pick up with just a couple of sentences (thanks intuitive nature).

How does this tie into my resolution?

Well a few months ago I realized something. I was out at the mall and I saw a girl with really cool hair. It was dyed blue. Immediately I wanted to tell her how fantastic I thought her hair was, and the words were in my mouth, but I couldn't say them. I was too scared.

This happens to me more often then I'd care to admit. Part of being an introverted people person is you have something encouraging to say 99% of the time but you can't force yourself to say it. You get this terrible twisty feeling in the pit of your stomach and you blink a few times, trying to gear yourself up for saying what other people would consider a simple sentence. But you can't and the opportunity passes.

So my new years resolution is to try and change that.

If you really think about it, you have no idea when you could die. I could get in a car crash tomorrow while I'm driving and be killed instantly. What's even scarier to me, though, is you don't know when the people you love could be gone forever.

Internally, I love and I love recklessly. I feel like I haven't been able to show that enough on the outside. I don't want to live my life having words with the power to change someone's day for the better constantly on the top of my tongue and never making their escape. I want the people I love to know how loved they are. I want the strangers I meet to know how appreciated they are. I want that girl at all mall with the blue hair to know how rad she looks.

So in 2015, I'm going to try to love radically on the outside. It's not going to be easy, but it's what we're called to do. And, at risk of sounding cliche, life's too short.